I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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