forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
