So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
