Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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