After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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