I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
