remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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