i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
from now on my penis is your penis
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
