Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
