I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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