You're my little dorito
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
