I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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