I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
