woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
