the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
