Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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