So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
