fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wear drunk well.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
