Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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