Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
