ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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