pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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