i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
