did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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