...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
