dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
