piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
