fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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