went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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