Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
