He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
