I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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