is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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