Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
