I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
