he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
