I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize