every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
