hotel room ftw
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize