I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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