Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
