Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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