And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
