mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His hands were made for my vagina.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
