hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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