I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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