Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
