I need help removing her.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
