I heard we made out
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
