better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The air was thick with penises
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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