2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize