conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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