I hope mine doesn't look like that
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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