they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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