i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
