All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
