In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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