i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
