Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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