This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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