I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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