Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
