i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This house was built for laser tag.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
