I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize