when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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