Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
