I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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