You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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