Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
