I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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