that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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